It’s pretty easy, when you have full control of your content, to paint a picture of strength, relentless endurance and physical fitness.  All part of writing fiction baby!  Character airbrushing.  All this ultra mondo cycling fuss is bright side/aspirational me.  Dark side me hasn’t been able to read more that one page in a book since May.  My roadie little secret.

Training is hard.  It’s supposed to be.  It hurts things that you didn’t even know you had. The net benefit is invaluable.  Keeping active means living a long healthy life right?  But there are days that feel like I’m forcing my body to be 100 years old and covered in A535. My 84 year old Dad and I have good chats about how hard it is to get out of chairs now.

I blame fresh air.  We head out of the city, for the practice rides, to be out of the traffic and out of the smog.  When was the last time you spent a full day outside and didn’t feel a king size blanket of grog over you as soon as you got home.

Wind and sun don’t help either.  Having your face whooshed all day and your arms warmed is like a snuggle from Mother Nature.  Sometimes she slaps you like a red-headed step-child but that’s your fault for not putting on sunscreen.

Can you even understand how long it takes to get through a book when you read one page at a time?  And then use it as a sleep mask for the rest of the night?  I really want to read Les Miserables but it would certainly smother me.  Plus library ink blackheads are gross as hell.

So many good things about riding but they comes at a price.  The main one for me is you get dumb.  So, so dumb.  From sheer body exhaustion you are in great danger of making bad choices.  Like going into a grocery store.  Hungry, emotional, unsteady.  Or into a drive-thru with your bike on the roof rack.  Responding to email before you go to bed….at 7:30pm.  We all know to stay away from the computer when we’re drunk.  This is no different.

I guess what i’m asking for is to be cut some slack for a little while longer. Pretend i’m as blonde as I look just for a few more weeks.  I’m doing a good thing for some good kids so lay off the text spelling mistakes if you can for the luv of Gawd!  

If you have me over for dinner, sit me at the kids table or down by the dog bowl.  It’s just easier for everyone.  Except maybe the dog.

If I’m driving you somewhere, be prepared to arrive somewhere else.

I will forget your birthday.  I’d forget mine if it wasn’t in December.  I made you a cake but ate it.  Sorry.

It’s Dumbertime.  And the livin’ is easy.  Easy like an enthusiastically trashed lady who’s legs have big, big plans next weekend.

To Donate:  Tour For Kids

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