The Winter Of My Discontent

thermometer

You can’t decide to plunk your home office in the least insulated part of the house and expect not to be inspired to get some feelings down when the hand of winter becomes cold enough to bitch-slap your retro thermometer off the side of the house.  I loved that thing. Staring at me through the window while I worked. Offering clues to the outside world.

Digby_vs_Storm
nephew Digby trying out his new genes

I’ve been away for a while.  All my writing and more than all my energy has been dedicated to a cross country adventure for a childhood cancer charity.  A meaningful one that left me sitting here at my desk six weeks later looking for meaning.  I tend to overdramatize the change in seasons.  Likening them to New Years Day each time one happens.  It has always made good sense to me to revel in epic events in nature.  Growing up way in it may have something to do with that.

Standing tall facing a storm.  Setting an alarm two hours prior to dawn and then driving one hour and fifty minutes to a favorite place to watch a sunrise. Seems more eloquent than the just the counting down of days.

When you get your emotions sucked out of your chest you are at your best to fill back up on whatever you choose. This last trek had a lot of suction. I’ve had a great year with a lot of opportunities and now must winnow down to what will make me my most best.  Like a kid with all the toys, each with a different payoff.

My 81 year old Dad has a new e-reader so him finally having unfiltered access to this thing that I do brings me great joy and resolve.  We’ll see what it brings him. I’m collaborating with some superb women to build something very cool and with great spirit.  They had me at “winnow”, my new favorite word.  I’m mending my relationship with stand up and we’re getting along much better now.  Kudos for my writing is coming from those with cred as opposed to people whom I just trust and love but will never hear or understand a compliment from.  Nice how we do that to ourselves and to them.

And the book.  I wrote one.  Gave it to someone a little too close to me and there it sits.  As still as where I sit holding my breath until I hear back.  No i’m not calling.  Getting sick enjoyment out of the torturous hang time.

Nobody is home for a few days.  The New Years leaves are blowing all over the yard.  I have no idea what the temperature is but know that it’s cold by how much the cat is loving me up.  I’ve been eating noodles and apples for three days straight.  These moments of this are what I look forward to without ever knowing when they are coming.  These ones here.  That make you decide things.  It’s incredible how discontent can become full speed ahead with one good long look out the window.  Or off the deck.

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